I wake up early. Not 7:30 a.m. early, it’s 3:30 or 4:00 a.m. early. When it first started occurring, I resisted it and I freely admit there were a few choice curse words uttered. Since that time, there has been a casual shift in my attitude. I’m not yet ready to say I look forward to my new habit, but I’ve learned that it’s not such a bad thing.
The early morning time has become a peaceful period. An hour or two of quiet thinking, listening and wondering. The thinking usually takes on the form of what will I write today or of my going back over a passage or two from the book I read before falling asleep. The listening is not only the morning silence, but also the early sounds. This day I was treated to the “Who who-who-who” of a Great Horned Owl somewhere outdoors. A couple of weeks ago it was ruckus sounds of a pack of coyotes who had been awakened by some unknown intruder. My wondering takes me down a new path most mornings.
Today I awoke wondering about some of the same old issues that always linger deep within my mind. One issue is the on-going internal dialogue about what I can write that might have some significance. It is an arrogant thought I admit. I have a number of writing friends, and each of them seem to have a different reason for their need to put word to paper. Some wish to simply create, some have dreams of being famous, others want to write something that simply brings pleasure to those who read their work. When I’m completely honest, I believe I write to create a means of understanding this life I live. I also write in hopes of creating something just a bit better than last time. That one can be very frustrating.
I just came back from having coffee with a good friend. He and I could be no farther apart in our political beliefs, and yet we always set that aside so that we can be friends. Today we talked about his wife’s death, our belief or uncertainty about what lies beyond death and the need for people to have some reason to get out of bed in the mornings. It was not a deep seated or well thought out philosophical discussion, just two friends considering life. I must confess those chats are far more fun for me than looking on Facebook and seeing pictures of the yummy oatmeal someone had for breakfast.
The bottom line for me, if there is one, is that I’m trying to learn acceptance, and I’m trying to be mindful of gratitude and in the end appreciate the life that I have. Some days I fail, some days I succeed. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll wake up early and ponder that last sentence.
I leave you with a quote from Claude Anshin Thomas who wrote: At Hell’s Gate: A Soldier’s Journey from War to Peace.
“I came to realize that I couldn’t think my way into a new way of living. I had to live my way into a new way of thinking.”
Go Well, David
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